i am sassa

I listened to a reading of Mrs. Dalloway while I painted Virginia Woolf today, and it was perfect. I’ll link it below. The narrator was absolutely wonderful. I also HIGHLY recommend the film The Hours-Nicole Kidman plays Virginia and it is such an incredible and unique movie. With Meryl Streep! Make haste! There are some great documentary style films as well, but I have to beg you to first just read her work. To read her writing is to understand her, to feel all of her intensity, her brilliant creativity, and her extreme pain. Woolf is said to have suffered from bipolar disorder. She had several mental breakdowns in response to the deaths of her mother, father, and half sister. She was institutionalized several times in her life for mental illness, and attempted suicide more than once. She is now considered by many to be a pioneer of the feminist movement. She is considered by me to be a formidable BADASS.

Virginia wrote with a fearless authenticity that would not have been possible if she had listened to the Angel who whispered in her ear.

“Had I not killed her she would have killed me. She would have plucked the heart out of my writing. For, as I found, directly I put pen to paper, you cannot review even a novel without having a mind of your own, without expressing what you think to be the truth about human relations, morality, sex. And all these questions, according to the Angel of the House, cannot be dealt with freely and openly by women; they must charm, they must conciliate, they must — to put it bluntly — tell lies if they are to succeed.”

Virginia Woolf is speaking, in this quote, of a “phantom” she called the Angel in the House, satirizing a poem depicting perfect femininity. To Woolf, the Angel was what a perfectly mannered woman of her time was to be; dainty, polite, compliant, quiet, perfectly dressed, and boring as hell. She never spoke of crude things. And she whispered in Virginia’s ear as she wrote, urging her to follow suit so that her writing would be liked.

“My dear, you are a young woman. You are writing about a book that has been written by a man. Be sympathetic; be tender; flatter; deceive; use all the arts and wiles of your sex. Never let anybody guess that you have a mind of your own. Above all, be pure”, the Angel told her.

So, she killed her. Bad. Ass. Click here to read an abbreviated version of a speech Woolf gave in which she talks more about the Angel, including a description of the murder.

Though she lived a hundred years ago, Virginia’s writing is so relatable. I have an Angel. I think everyone does. For women, sadly, I don’t know that the Angel has really changed all that much in her whisperings.

Don’t be loud and outspoken, people will call you a bitch.

Don’t wear that, they’ll call you a tramp.

Don’t wear that either, you’re too old.

Don’t try so hard.

You’d be prettier if you tried harder.

Don’t be a problem.

Be less than you are.

Keep yourself small.

It’s just so relatable and sad, but it can be empowering too. I have fought those voices in some way all my life, but I’ve never personified it and thought of it as MURDER. HOW FUN IS THAT?!?

Here’s to murdering our Angels.🥂

Thank you, Virginia Woolf.